When Black Friday comes.

“Black Friday” from Steely Dan’s “Two Against Nature” concert. The only good Black Friday out there.

Today is “Black Friday,” which in the States is the day after Thanksgiving, widely reported as the biggest shopping day of the year. It’s not really. That’d be the Monday after Thanksgiving. The day after Thanksgiving is when half of America, groggy from having overeaten the day before, spends the day lounging and eating leftovers—no longer obligated to cook all that food.

The other half is either in the merchandising business and is obligated to work; or consumers who decide they actually want to brave the crowds and contribute to the madness.

Hence the name “Black Friday.”

Defective Mr. Squish products.

In which Leonard gets in trouble for selling crap.
(Mr. Squish, CSU Sacramento Hornet, March 1991.)

This is the first appearance of the glass-filled Mr. Squish plush toy. I actually wanted to manufacture them, you know: Cheap fuzzy dolls that would make a tinkling sound whenever you moved them, because they were stuffed with a combination of ceiling insulation and shards of safety glass from busted windshields. (I drew the glass a lot more jagged in panel 3.) I didn’t just want to joke about Mr. Squish merchandising being made from inferior product. I wanted to take the joke further, deliberately make inferior product, and have people buy it anyway, enjoying the irony of it all.

Social media, October 2011.

SATURDAY, 1 OCTOBER.

Ah, Cracked. Sometimes they get it exactly right… despite their sophomoric fixation with naughty words. “4 Idiots Who Show Up Wherever Religion Is Discussed Online,” 1 October 2011.

SUNDAY, 2 OCTOBER.

Had Jesus given us nothing but teachings—no miracles nor resurrection—would we skip reading the Gospels like we skip reading the Prophets?

TUESDAY, 4 OCTOBER.

She. “You like pushing the envelope, don’t you?”
Me. “Envelopes are meant to be ripped open.”

The Have Nots once again yelling at the Haves.

How Occupy Wall Street is like the Chinese democracy movement.

This may sound familiar. But history does tend to repeat itself.

Way back in 1989, a bunch of young Chinese students got fed up with the way things were going in their country and decided to occupy a public place—Tiananmen Square, Beijing—and stage a non-violent public protest. They wanted the powers-that-be to stop hoarding the powers they had. They wanted something more democratic. Their protest lasted about seven weeks, and spread to a few other cities; Shanghai, Wuhan, Xi’an, and so forth. They got the world’s attention.

What triggered it? Deregulation. China was finally moving from a fixed economy to a market economy. Ultimately that was a good thing, but at the time it triggered some upheaval. Since prices were artificially low, suddenly there was an economic recession, high inflation, and job insecurity. College graduates were frustrated that there would be no place for them in the new economy. So they wanted some more say in the way things were run. They wanted democracy.

They didn’t get it.

Social media, September 2011.

THURSDAY, 1 SEPTEMBER.

“God is a concept by which we measure our pain”—John Lennon. Almost the opposite of “God is love.” Says a lot about the Christians he knew.

FRIDAY, 2 SEPTEMBER.

The stuff you’re trying to hide may not publicly define you, but it defines you more accurately.

SUNDAY, 4 SEPTEMBER.

A lot of the same folks who object to Darwinism in the schools have no problem practicing social Darwinism in their judgment of the needy.

WEDNESDAY, 7 SEPTEMBER.

Park littered with condoms this morning. Do not want to know why.

I suspect partly why I don’t mind walking home in the dark is ’cause I was never taught to fear rapists. (Not sure if that’s a good thing.)

SUNDAY, 11 SEPTEMBER.

Let’s see, ten years ago… I was printing out some classwork before school started, when one of my students burst into the room with the news. So I figured since everyone was gathered around the radios and TVs, the copier was free.

I know, it sounds heartless of me. But that’s how I cope: I put aside the emotions and stick to what I gotta do right now. I mourn when there’s time. That wasn’t the time. That was the time to comfort the kids.

MONDAY, 12 SEPTEMBER.

I don’t care if peeing in the shower saves money. A urine-free shower is worth it.

Waiter. “…Wine list?”
Patron. “Wine? I thought this restaurant was run by Christians.”
Waiter. “It sure is. Our wine comes out of the tap.”

FRIDAY, 16 SEPTEMBER.

Ever notice how doctor-patient confidentiality is a thing of the past on Star Trek? Those doctors blab everything. “Yep, Sulu has herpes.”

SUNDAY, 18 SEPTEMBER.

God’s vision is bigger than any one person can contain. That’s why it takes a whole church to bring it into being—not just your pastors.

Downtown at the Vacaville Jazz Festival. There are less than ten of us here, including the guitarist. Yeesh.

MONDAY, 19 SEPTEMBER.

How is it I never knew the Brothers Johnson made a gospel album? Oh yeah, time for worship & funk.

WEDNESDAY, 21 SEPTEMBER.

So R.E.M. broke up. Relax, kids: It’s not the end of the world as we know it.

The new live-feed thingy in the upper right corner of Facebook: All it does is tell me that certain individuals spend a lot of time commenting on every frickin’ Facebook post they see. Which I knew already. I didn’t need to see it live.

Bit the bullet and signed into Google+. Let’s see if I'll regret it as much as joining Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, Xanga… the internet…

THURSDAY, 22 SEPTEMBER.

Breakfast on the patio. It’s the only time of day the weather is pleasant. (It’s also warmer indoors.)

FRIDAY, 23 SEPTEMBER.

You know the status update that says, “Please change my settings so you can’t see the comments I make to others”? That’s a big red flag that those are the people with the comments worth reading. Thankfully, they comment so often that you don’t have to wish there were some way to push their comments to the top.

Third day of flu. Mild but still debilitating. Hard to recover when the 100-degree weather is preventing sleep. Hope that puddle is sweat…

SATURDAY, 24 SEPTEMBER.

Not so sure we should use the term “working like a dog.” The dogs I know don't work. Unless lying around licking yourself counts as work.

SUNDAY, 25 SEPTEMBER.

One of my Facebook friends is a bit of a pedo. It’s why the “people you may know” box on my page keeps displaying postpubescent girls. He’s the “mutual friend”—if by “friend” we actually mean “creepy stalker old guy.”

Hey, Fox News: Stop calling them “job creators” until they actually create more jobs than they’ve eliminated.

MONDAY, 26 SEPTEMBER.

If I were an OB/GYN, and performed five abortions for every two deliveries, would you call me a baby doctor? But I’d be more deserving of the title than some billionaire, who's eliminated five positions for every new one, deserves the title “job creator.”

The devil won’t kick our butts so much once we stop bending over.

TUESDAY, 26 SEPTEMBER.

Not seeing enough people at your church get slain in the Spirit? Easily fixed. When they come forward for prayer, taser them.

Social media, October 2010.

FRIDAY, 2 OCTOBER.

Aaron, playing with blocks. “I’m making people.”
Me. “You don’t get to do that till you’re an adult… Oh you’re making block people. Okay.”

One of these years my comments aren’t gonna go over his head anymore and I’m gonna be in so much trouble.

Sometimes I wonder if the music chosen for stores’ PA systems isn’t carefully chosen to be just irritating enough that you’ll hurry up and make a purchase just to get away from it.

MONDAY, 5 OCTOBER.

While I respect your enthusiasm for the participants of TV game shows, I am going to sit out the voting, thank you very much. I have other interests.

Well, other TV shows.

The librarians are taking pictures around the library today. I suspect I’m gonna wind up in their promotional material.

Social media, September 2010.

WEDNESDAY, 1 SEPTEMBER.

Have you ever had a song running through your head, yet what really annoyed you about it was that it was running in the wrong key?

Thank God we live in the era after deodorant was invented, because man alive, there are some funky people in the library, and I can’t imagine a worldful.

FRIDAY, 3 SEPTEMBER.

I’m getting profoundly tired of things that demand, “If you agree, press ‘like.’”

TUESDAY, 7 SEPTEMBER.

Came down with a bug; it’s starting to feel like a head cold, but it might just be fall allergies starting early.

WEDNESDAY, 8 SEPTEMBER.

Another day full of possibilities! …but I’m not feeling well, so screw ’em.

THURSDAY, 9 SEPTEMBER.

For those of you who want a Jehovah’s Witness vampire story instead of a Mormon one, here’s the entire JW version of Twilight. Chapter 1: “Have you ever heard of a boy named Edward Cullen?” Bella asked. “Oh yeah,” said Jacob; “he died a long, long time ago of starvation.” “How sad,” Bella said. The End.

Before we vote to throw the bums out, perhaps we should take a closer look at the bums that might replace them.

SUNDAY, 12 SEPTEMBER.

Religion without relationship is dead. Relationship without religion is shallow.

TUESDAY, 14 SEPTEMBER.

Enjoy life now. Otherwise it’ll become fuel for a bitter old age. Some of you already know what I’m talking about.

Whenever we get offended, it means someone has blasphemed our idol.

FRIDAY, 17 SEPTEMBER.

Little hard to do bible study with that one Cee Lo Green song in my head…

Just hid Foursquare. (The Facebook feature, not the church.) I don’t need to see where you are. You really don’t need to share it, either. As for me… just presume I’m within spitting distance of coffee.

SATURDAY, 18 SEPTEMBER.

If soylent green is people, why is it green?

Vacaville Jazz Festival today. But right now I’m just watching the facilities people set up.

Wynton Marsalis says jazz is democracy in action. But the way high school jazz bands play it, no it ain’t.

TUESDAY, 21 SEPTEMBER.

Once you’ve racked up more than 100 Facebook friends, you can afford to say something that makes a few of them de-friend you.

WEDNESDAY, 22 SEPTEMBER.

…I’m proud to be an American
Where at least I know I’m free
But if I have darker skin than you
Then I have to show ID…

“Everything happens for a reason”—No it doesn’t. If God does it there’s a reason. If God doesn’t do it, there may be a reason. Or no reason. And suffering for no reason, with misplaced hope, is stupid.

FRIDAY, 24 SEPTEMBER.

When your advice isn’t consistent two days in a row, don’t be surprised when I never ask you for it.

Anyone who hates their leaders has obviously been shirking their Christian responsibility to pray for their leaders. (And not in that sarcastic, Psalm 109 kind of prayer.)

SUNDAY, 26 SEPTEMBER.

Freedom is not achieved through politics, but through dying to the things of this world. Those who don’t know the difference haven’t died yet.

MONDAY, 27 SEPTEMBER.

It’s Monday! It’s the start of a whole new work week!! Time to fake enthusiasm!!!

TUESDAY, 28 SEPTEMBER.

Aaron. “I smell your coffee… I want to drink coffee when I get big.”
Me. “Well, maybe when you’re five.”

So, TV watchers, what’s your favorite new show for the year? …Or are there any worth bothering with?

WEDNESDAY, 29 SEPTEMBER.

Christianity is a religion, not a relationship. Being -ian (as in Jeffersonian or Wesleyan) means you’re a follower, and -ianity is how you follow. That’s religion. Claiming it’s not a religion means you’re trying to have the label without the lifestyle.