Social media, October 2014.

WEDNESDAY, 1 OCTOBER.

Thoughts on the soul:

I imagine getting two guys: One who loves the songs, “My Soul Longs for You” and “It Is Well with My Soul,” and one who loves to speak against “soulish behavior.” Then for fun, lock ’em in a room together with nunchucks and pugil sticks, and have ’em sort out the definition.

Just ’cause.

THURSDAY, 2 OCTOBER.

There's way too much fear underlying way too many End Times interpretations.

Easiest way to keep the kids out of the toys in the closet: Casually mention “the closet spider.” The fact they can’t see it makes them even more anxious.

“All right, who in Publicity has been talking to Satan?”

And no, I’m not gonna ask you to share it with 10 people.

FRIDAY, 3 OCTOBER.

Now that the Left Behind movie is out, of course certain reviewers are gonna use it (and its lack of quality) as an excuse to be jerks, slam Christianity, and get revenge on all the Christians who behaved badly towards them in their childhood. I don’t have time for those reviews.

Then there are the reviews which correctly analyze how the “we’re outta here; go to hell, world!” theology of Left Behind is far from Christian; and how some of us really don’t want our loved ones to go to hell. [“What Nicolas Cage’s ‘Left Behind’ Says About Apocalyptic Christianity,” Alexander Joenks, Pajiba, 3 October 2014]

“There is power in the name of Jesus to break every chain.”

Is it only me who finds it ironic how often the people who sing this song repeat this line, or parts of it, over and over and over and over and over again? Kinda like a long, unbroken… what’s the word I’m looking for?…

Yep, there’s cannibalism in this here children’s book.

Ebola news coverage.

SUNDAY, 5 OCTOBER.

We didn’t do this when I was in school. But I totally would have.

If your “prophecy” for me sounds exactly like something I’d get out of a fortune cookie, I’m gonna assume you’re a false prophet.

Oh, I’ll still keep an open mind; just a crack, anyway. I could always be wrong. But that’s just my knee-jerk reaction. Vague statements are for people who are doing nothing more than guessing. For what reason would God be vague?

Social media, September 2014.

MONDAY, 1 SEPTEMBER.

Pumpkin spice is only the beginning.

Like she said.

How to get away with playing Earth, Wind & Fire in church. (Appropriate for the date.)

TUESDAY, 2 SEPTEMBER.

She [who’s 2 years old] “I’m too old for princesses.”
Me. “Oh, if only.”

On Sesame Street, John Oliver does the news with Cookie Monster and Al Roker. And editorializes about “literally.”

WEDNESDAY, 3 SEPTEMBER.

When a prophet sounds just as vague as a horoscope, it means it’s not the Holy Spirit; it’s their best guess.

FRIDAY, 5 SEPTEMBER.

It’s that time of year again.

Big problems with both these statements.

[1] Those people who are afraid to offend Muslims are the same politically-correct folks who are afraid to offend any minority. (But not the majority nor the powerful, which is why they have no trouble critiquing white males, carnivores, capitalists, Christians, the rich, etc.) It’s not fear; it’s liberal guilt. Conservatives, on the other hand, have no trouble whatsoever in bashing Muslims, and spreading the most heinous lies and half-truths about ’em.

[2] As for Christians, see #1. But I know from experience there are plenty of Christians who turn downright vicious when you offend them. Simply express an opinion contrary to theirs on any topic they consider absolute, and they’ll make it their life’s mission to undermine you at best, excommunicate you at worst. They’d even kill you if legally possible. (To be fair, they’re more Christianist than Christian.)

So a church handed out pre-packaged communion.

Y’know, I get why these things exist: Chaplains sometimes need it on the go. And in a big huge church, it’s gotta be a royal pain to fill a thousand tiny cups.

But too often, the pre-packaged stuff churches serve at communion reminds me of buying Lunchables for your schoolkids: “This’ll hold you; I won’t spare the time or expense to do better.”

Glad Jesus doesn’t think like that.

SATURDAY, 6 SEPTEMBER.

If MacDonald’s actually had such a Happy Meal, I know far too many people who wouldn’t rest till they got it.

Um… someone doesn’t understand the concept here.

SUNDAY, 7 SEPTEMBER.

Okay, now pumpkin spice has gone too far:

If you’ve not seen it already, someone turns loose a dog in a spider costume, and hilariously scares the willies out of people. Thing is, you can get away with this in Poland, but not the States. Too many of us are armed.

MONDAY, 8 SEPTEMBER.

The “egg cream,” contrary to popular belief, has no eggs in it. It’s just chocolate milk and carbonated water. Didn’t have the carbonated water, so I went with ginger ale. Tastes like drinking a Tootsie Roll.

Digging up roots. No, that’s not a genealogical metaphor: Stupid trees have made the front patio bricks all wobbly.

TUESDAY, 9 SEPTEMBER.

Steve Harvey plays Family Feud on the Tonight Show. Takes him a while to realize the segment is a lost cause.

THURSDAY, 11 SEPTEMBER.

“Hey, everybody! On [date] let’s everyone on the internet do [act] for [cause]! Who’s with me?”

Those last three words are the real motivation. It’s not so much about pushing the cause. The act is usually empty. It’s about trying to see how many internet lemmings will leap off the cliff with you.

Thank you to all the people who reminded me to never forget.

…I forget why.

Never forget the sacrifices people have made on your behalf, to protect you, serve you, defend your freedoms, strengthen your faith.

But the people who try to kill, steal from, and destroy you? Not worth your remembrance. Be vigilant, but set your mind on better things.

FRIDAY, 12 SEPTEMBER.

Perhaps.

My college years.

SATURDAY, 13 SEPTEMBER.

Too many Christian T-shirts are stupid. This one I like.

SUNDAY, 14 SEPTEMBER.

Enjoy life now. Otherwise it’ll become fuel for a bitter old age. Some of you already know what I’m talking about.

MONDAY, 16 SEPTEMBER.

Yeah, like people actually love members of the opposition party. More often they embrace a view which turns the opposition into heretics, then “tough-love” the opposition by denouncing them “for their own good.”

TUESDAY, 17 SEPTEMBER.

Jesus is the answer… depending on the question.

In math class, he could be the answer to the word problem, “If Jesus was in a car leaving Sacramento at 60 miles an hour, and Satan was in a car leaving Stockton at 90 miles an hour (’cause of course he’d violate the speed limit; duh), which of the two would get to Roseville first?” Even allowing for the fact Jesus would stop to pick up hitchhikers.

THURSDAY, 19 SEPTEMBER.

Scotland yesterday.

SATURDAY, 21 SEPTEMBER.

Why cats go missing.

MONDAY, 23 SEPTEMBER.

Only 92 days till Christmas. And for conservatives, only 65 days till the War on Christmas.

TUESDAY, 24 SEPTEMBER.

This, and stay away from talk radio and “news” websites which are 25 percent news, 75 percent commentary. (Like Huffington Post or WorldNetDaily.) They make you think you’re more informed, but in reality you haven't absorbed more data; just more of the commentators’ fear and loathing.

MONDAY, 29 SEPTEMBER.

Love your neighbor. Not your dream neighbor.

Social media, October 2013.

TUESDAY, 1 OCTOBER.

Folks like to point out how the shutdown is really gonna affect Congress’s poll numbers. They don’t understand: It’s the president who cares about national polls; he’s the one with the nationally-elected job. The only polls a member of Congress cares about are the local polls of the constituents who voted ’em in. And the libertarians shutting Congress down were elected in gerrymandered libertarian districts who want Congress shut down, who love the obstructionist fools they sent to Congress, and who don’t care what the rest of us think. Polls shmolls.

Take a break from the government news, and listen to “The Elephant Song.”

WEDNESDAY, 2 OCTOBER.

A parable about the shutdown.

THURSDAY, 3 OCTOBER.

Look, I’m not thrilled about Obamacare. It’s basically doing for healthcare what the state of California did with auto insurance: It requires everyone to have it, and suggests it may lower our rates. It offers to insure those who can’t afford it, so there’s that.

But even lower rates are insanely high. Because healthcare is for-profit. And rescue aid services ought never be for-profit. Otherwise you get insane markup costs added, as HMOs profiteer on human suffering. As you can see in this comparison between U.S. costs and other first-world healthcare costs.

FRIDAY, 4 OCTOBER.

Can’t believe I hadn’t thought of this already.

Well, we in California have CalFire. Not sure what the rest of the states have in place.

SATURDAY, 5 OCTOBER.

How internet feedback works.

Unfortunately Wikipedia changed it back.

Social media, September 2013.

SUNDAY, 1 SEPTEMBER.

Morning. Time for your daily affirmation.

This isn’t the sound check. This is the concert. (And yes, that can be a metaphor for life, and a sad reality for both.)

I’m sure the inventor of this candle thought, “What a poetic, evocative name.” But if I ever bought it and burnt it, all I could imagine myself thinking was, “I BURN YOUR WISHES. I BURN THEM UP.”

Getting tired of listening to certain conservative friends freak out over same-sex marriage. You’d think desegregation was happening all over again.

TUESDAY, 3 SEPTEMBER.

So you’re not billionaire-rich. But if you have a lot of possessions, Jesus counts you as rich. So, heads up.

THURSDAY, 5 SEPTEMBER.

Too many of us use Christianity to affirm ourselves. Not reject yourself, take up your cross, and follow Jesus.

FRIDAY, 6 SEPTEMBER.

In a parallel universe, President Romney is calling for Americans to fight in Syria. And every last neoconservative is backing him 100 percent… though in our universe you’d think they were all newly converted pacifists.

Somewhat true.

SATURDAY, 7 SEPTEMBER.

Focus on eternal things.

There is a difference.

MONDAY, 8 SEPTEMBER.

The reason people want a government which will solve all their problems is because deep down, unconsciously, they desire the kingdom of God.

The reason people want government to leave them alone is sometimes because they recognize this, and want the kingdom instead of our government. Sometimes.

But for a lot of them, especially those who take pride in their utter independence from anyone or anything: They don’t want God either. Like the Pharisees, they want to be free to interpret his rules however they please, but if God literally showed up, he’d get in their way, so they’d want him dead.

WEDNESDAY, 10 SEPTEMBER.

I think it was actually back in May.

THURSDAY, 11 SEPTEMBER.

Not gonna stop plenty of Christians from trying, though.

Oh, the fun you can have with pronunciation.

In picking a church, fruit of the Spirit makes all the difference.

FRIDAY, 12 SEPTEMBER.

If Monty Python and the Holy Grail were marketed as serious instead of funny.

Such a double standard.

SATURDAY, 13 SEPTEMBER.

Years ago my dad told me the story of when he asked God to show himself, and God didn’t answer. (Which was kind of God, considering Dad asked to be struck with lightning.) Dad concluded there’s no God, and proceeded to become atheist.

And thanks to Dad’s behavior, he probably drove me further towards God in my teens than anything else. Some kids rebel by ditching church; I rebelled by going. So, y’know, there’s that—sometimes God can best use you as an atheist.

The Canadian version of Breaking Bad would be much briefer.

WEDNESDAY, 17 SEPTEMBER.

Or they do know, but keep accepting empty promises in exchange. You know, like, “Vote for me! I’ll close Guantanamo Bay!” or “Vote for me! I’m pro-life!” Either way.

Wonder how many Christians ever bother to hit the “Let the Lord Decide” button?

“Heretic” is an overused word. We’re saved by grace, folks; not orthodoxy.

THURSDAY, 18 SEPTEMBER.

PETA goes for the easy victims. Socialites who wear fur who would never attack back; slower-than-average models who don’t realize they’re being exploited just as much as the animals they claim to defend; fast food restaurants staffed by teenagers and out-of-shape managers. If any of them ever foolhardily attack a leather-clad biker, it’s only because they’ve decided, “I don’t really need my teeth anymore.”

So… what good will it do God if he keeps me alive another day?

Just another fun thought before bedtime.

MONDAY, 22 SEPTEMBER.

Wishful thinking isn’t faith. Faith is based on something solid: Substance. Evidence. Hoped-for and unseen, but still.

TUESDAY, 23 SEPTEMBER.

A human relationship, based solely on spontaneity, will never be a deep one. And a divine relationship, based solely on following whatever spiritual whim comes your way (or wrongly described as “wherever the Spirit leads”), will likewise never become a deep one. You will always be an entry-level Christian, destined for mediocrity unless the Holy Spirit does something drastic to wake you up.

WEDNESDAY, 24 SEPTEMBER.

Overdo it and it’ll stop working.

Argumentativeness is a work of the flesh. Why then do Christians do it? “We’re arguing for Jesus.”

FRIDAY, 26 SEPTEMBER.

Jesus said, “A man was going from Jerusalem to Jericho, where he was attacked by robbers, beaten, and left for dead.

“A senator happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he said to himself, ‘I can’t be helping every poor fool who doesn’t plan ahead; it establishes a bad precedent, and disrupts the economy.’ And he passed him by.

“A pastor likewise saw the man, and said to himself, ‘When Jesus said “Heal the sick,” he only meant supernatural healing,’ and sent up a flare-prayer; and seeing no results, shrugged and passed him by as well.

“But an illegal immigrant came by, saw him, took pity on him, bandaged his wounds, put him in his truck, took him to a clinic, and offered to help him out however he could. Which of these three do you think was a neighbor?”

The Republican said, “Well, the senator.”

Jesus told him, “How hard it is for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”

Nearly sixty years of guitar solos in nearly six minutes.

MONDAY, 29 SEPTEMBER.

Lately I’ve noticed a significant pause when I open Facebook in my browser. Probably they’re just scanning my browser history, in case there are any areas of my life they don’t know about, and can’t market to, yet.

Priorities.

Raj Patel: “There are two novels that can change a bookish 14-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves Orcs.”

Social media, October 2012.

WEDNESDAY, 3 OCTOBER.

Some folks live on Twitter, chirping like those birds in a tree under a streetlight who don’t know it’s time to go to bed. …

… Others swoop into Twitter, drop a load into your mouth like a mama bird, and swoop away while you’re spitting it out. And that’d be me.

FRIDAY, 5 OCTOBER.

Still isn’t.

The Romneys on vacation.

Eleven hours to make some dominoes fall over. But it looks neat.

Social media, September 2012.

THURSDAY, 4 SEPTEMBER.

Anybody who puts all their hopes in Mitt Romney or Barack Obama is a traitor to the kingdom of God. (I’ll leave the discussion of Star Wars worshipers for another day.)

SATURDAY, 6 SEPTEMBER.

Since Christians have decided they (unlike Christ) are not going to be the best friends gay people have ever had, it would appear the Democrats are stepping up. Debate their motives all you like—it’s a handy way to avoid talking about how Christians dropped the ball.

FRIDAY, 14 SEPTEMBER.

If there were anything to the lucky numbers in fortune cookies, they’d all be precisely the same numbers on the days before bigger Lotto jackpots.

When I heard the Christmas carol my reaction was, “Are you people kidding? It’s September!” Then I realized it’s just me—iPod’s on shuffle.

SUNDAY, 16 SEPTEMBER.

Most of the problem is people who don’t know any Muslims and don’t care to. It’s easier to believe the stereotypes than love our neighbors.

TUESDAY, 18 SEPTEMBER.

“Don’t judge someone just because they sin differently than you.” —Tyler Merritt

WEDNESDAY, 19 SEPTEMBER.

Live in fear, or live in faith. You’re either doing one or the other. That’s not an oversimplifiation. It’s exactly that simple.

FRIDAY, 28 SEPTEMBER.

We are the Samson generation. We do mighty, miraculous things, but our relationships with God have no depth, much sin, and little fruit.