How to get away with playing Earth, Wind & Fire in church. (Appropriate for the date.)
TUESDAY, 2 SEPTEMBER.
She [who’s 2 years old] “I’m too old for princesses.” Me. “Oh, if only.”
On Sesame Street, John Oliver does the news with Cookie Monster and Al Roker. And editorializes about “literally.”
WEDNESDAY, 3 SEPTEMBER.
When a prophet sounds just as vague as a horoscope, it means it’s not the Holy Spirit; it’s their best guess.
FRIDAY, 5 SEPTEMBER.
It’s that time of year again.
Big problems with both these statements.
[1] Those people who are afraid to offend Muslims are the same politically-correct folks who are afraid to offend any minority. (But not the majority nor the powerful, which is why they have no trouble critiquing white males, carnivores, capitalists, Christians, the rich, etc.) It’s not fear; it’s liberal guilt. Conservatives, on the other hand, have no trouble whatsoever in bashing Muslims, and spreading the most heinous lies and half-truths about ’em.
[2] As for Christians, see #1. But I know from experience there are plenty of Christians who turn downright vicious when you offend them. Simply express an opinion contrary to theirs on any topic they consider absolute, and they’ll make it their life’s mission to undermine you at best, excommunicate you at worst. They’d even kill you if legally possible. (To be fair, they’re more Christianist than Christian.)
So a church handed out pre-packaged communion.
Y’know, I get why these things exist: Chaplains sometimes need it on the go. And in a big huge church, it’s gotta be a royal pain to fill a thousand tiny cups.
But too often, the pre-packaged stuff churches serve at communion reminds me of buying Lunchables for your schoolkids: “This’ll hold you; I won’t spare the time or expense to do better.”
Glad Jesus doesn’t think like that.
SATURDAY, 6 SEPTEMBER.
If MacDonald’s actually had such a Happy Meal, I know far too many people who wouldn’t rest till they got it.
Um… someone doesn’t understand the concept here.
SUNDAY, 7 SEPTEMBER.
Okay, now pumpkin spice has gone too far:
If you’ve not seen it already, someone turns loose a dog in a spider costume, and hilariously scares the willies out of people. Thing is, you can get away with this in Poland, but not the States. Too many of us are armed.
MONDAY, 8 SEPTEMBER.
The “egg cream,” contrary to popular belief, has no eggs in it. It’s just chocolate milk and carbonated water.
Didn’t have the carbonated water, so I went with ginger ale. Tastes like drinking a Tootsie Roll.
Digging up roots. No, that’s not a genealogical metaphor: Stupid trees have made the front patio bricks all wobbly.
TUESDAY, 9 SEPTEMBER.
Steve Harvey plays Family Feud on the Tonight Show. Takes him a while to realize the segment is a lost cause.
THURSDAY, 11 SEPTEMBER.
“Hey, everybody! On [date] let’s everyone on the internet do [act] for [cause]! Who’s with me?”
Those last three words are the real motivation. It’s not so much about pushing the cause. The act is usually empty. It’s about trying to see how many internet lemmings will leap off the cliff with you.
Thank you to all the people who reminded me to never forget.
…I forget why.
Never forget the sacrifices people have made on your behalf, to protect you, serve you, defend your freedoms, strengthen your faith.
But the people who try to kill, steal from, and destroy you? Not worth your remembrance. Be vigilant, but set your mind on better things.
FRIDAY, 12 SEPTEMBER.
Perhaps.
My college years.
SATURDAY, 13 SEPTEMBER.
Too many Christian T-shirts are stupid. This one I like.
SUNDAY, 14 SEPTEMBER.
Enjoy life now. Otherwise it’ll become fuel for a bitter old age. Some of you already know what I’m talking about.
MONDAY, 16 SEPTEMBER.
Yeah, like people actually love members of the opposition party. More often they embrace a view which turns the opposition into heretics, then “tough-love” the opposition by denouncing them “for their own good.”
TUESDAY, 17 SEPTEMBER.
Jesus is the answer… depending on the question.
In math class, he could be the answer to the word problem, “If Jesus was in a car leaving Sacramento at 60 miles an hour, and Satan was in a car leaving Stockton at 90 miles an hour (’cause of course he’d violate the speed limit; duh), which of the two would get to Roseville first?” Even allowing for the fact Jesus would stop to pick up hitchhikers.
THURSDAY, 19 SEPTEMBER.
Scotland yesterday.
SATURDAY, 21 SEPTEMBER.
Why cats go missing.
MONDAY, 23 SEPTEMBER.
Only 92 days till Christmas. And for conservatives, only 65 days till the War on Christmas.
TUESDAY, 24 SEPTEMBER.
This, and stay away from talk radio and “news” websites which are 25 percent news, 75 percent commentary. (Like Huffington Post or WorldNetDaily.) They make you think you’re more informed, but in reality you haven't absorbed more data; just more of the commentators’ fear and loathing.
