Obnoxious things on weblogs.

And now, a brief list of things on people’s weblogs that annoy me. If you wonder why I never read your site anymore, even when I have time to kill (which doesn’t happen much anymore), then take note of the following offenses.

1. Whiny entries. But you knew that already. That’s nothing new.
2. Obnoxious background music. When I am on the internet I am usually listening to music on iTunes. If I access a site that has obnoxious background music, in order to turn off the background music I have to turn off the sound… which means no more of my music on iTunes. (Currently I'm getting around that by listening to iTunes on my other computer. Sometimes it’s nice to work on two computers at once.) And because I use Safari as a browser, WMA music files for some reason cause Windows Media Player to open and your page to go blank. So it’s your own fault if I never post comments on your site anymore.
3. Videos. Too much bandwidth for too little substance. Instead of waiting the 20 seconds necessary to wait for the video download, I’ll just visit another site.
4. Giant photos. If your camera can take 5 megapixel pictures, they need reducing before you post them on your blog. And by reducing, I mean actually physically reducing the image into a smaller-size file that doesn’t take minutes to download. I don’t always have broadband, and even then, sometimes I don’t always have patience.
5. Stupid photos. Please, for the love of all that’s holy, stop posting photos of you and all your buds posing together. In these cases, a picture isn’t worth ten thousand words. It’s worth a caption: “I had lunch with Binky, Fredo, Alfalfa, and Hyman at Jamba Juice. We all wore matching sunglasses. It was so amusing. We annoyed unsuspecting passers-by with our girlish giggling, and occasionally we’d look over our shades at people, simultaneously, as if that was cool.” On second thought, keep it and your photo to yourself. Especially the 5 megapixel photos.
6. Obfuscating background images. Your favorite Van Gogh painting is not the easiest backdrop for 10 point dark blue text. I can’t read the damn stuff. So I won’t.
7. When I go to your site to see what you’re thinking, and instead of telling me what you’re thinking you post another frigging quiz result which has determined which Disney princess you are, which O.C. cast member you are, what color goes best with your politics, what your randomly-generated Russian name is, or which demon might be the best one to possess your eternal soul. I would guess on the last one that it would be Tedium, the patron devil of boring blog posts.
8. Entire passages of scripture; whole pop or worship songs; or someone else’s poem. Holy Moses, I know it meant something to you; but chances are I know that chapter/song/poem already and don’t need to see it repeated, no matter how much it made your soul cry out. Tell you what: Try linking to the page of some other sucker who actually printed it out, and spend your time on stuff you composed.
9. Begging for responses, email, Xanga eprops, and crap like that. Get a life.
10. People who post one-liners and think that’ll do. Yeah. It’ll do the job of driving me away. Good job. You didn’t need my sarcasm anyway.
11. People who can’t write in complete words. It’s bad enough that these yammering fools write in sentence fragments, but they can’t even write whole words without sounding like a 13-year-old girl who’s been listening to too much hip-hop. “Yo, wazzup? I luv my nu site! U rock!” Obviously we’re not dealing with a touch-typer.
12. PeOpLe WhO LiKe tO aLtErNaTe CaPiTaLs AnD LoWeRcAsE. Again, not touch-typers.
13. You update your blog once every other month. Then, the instant you update it, you want to know why I haven’t read your latest post. Here's why: I can take my time to read your current one. It’s gonna be there for the next two months, ’cause you won't be adding to it until then. Honestly… if you post any less than weekly, don’t bother with a weblog. You obviously don’t have enough to say.
14. Conversely, you update your blog two to five times a day and want to know why I didn’t read the third post last Friday. Okay, I update my blog a lot. But I never order people to read it. If you read it, great. If you don’t… exactly how are you reading this? …Never mind. If you can’t keep up with my regular ranting, relax. I’m not assigning homework or giving tests on it. In fact, I’m often surprised to discover that some of the people I’d never guess were readers actually read every entry… and sadly, when I discover this, I lose a lot of respect for them. Honestly, who has time to read all my babbling? So because I don’t care if you read every entry, I don’t think much of those who demand I read all their entries. I have a life, thank you.
15. Quotes. I’m not talking about entertaining quips by famous people, like

    “Of course I’m drunk, you idiot. I'm a journalist.” —Hunter S. Thompson

    I’m talking about full-on block quotes from some obscure book that you feel you have to quote in order to make your point. Y’know, if you didn't make your point with your arguments, quoting some other idiot isn’t gonna convince me anything other than that you don’t know what you’re talking about, even if the other idiot does.

Well, so much for a brief list.

Maybe it’s 𝘯𝘰𝘵 going on the list.

“All right,” I had said after someone did something annoying recently, “that’s going on the list!”

No it’s not. It wasn’t annoying enough. Plus, I shouldn’t make threats like that.

Stuff that is going on the list:

• People who ask obvious questions. When I’m doing homework, they come up to me and say, “Hey. Doing homework?” When I’m working on my laptop and desktop computers at the same time (which is typical; why use one computer when you can use two?) they’ll say, “Wow, are you using two computers at the same time?” When I’m in the lobby, they’ll ask, “So, you watching TV?” When I’m reading a book, it’s, “Reading a book, huh?” I understand that this is a college and the point is to make people smarter; I just wish the raw material wasn’t so raw sometimes.
• People who ask me “What’s up?” after I’ve just regained consciousness in the morning. Nothing is up. I’m not awake yet. I’m up, I suppose. But I’ve been very good about not saying the first thing that comes to my mind when they say that, which is usually something sarcastic like, “Your morning erection.” Gotta be a Christian. Gotta love your neighbor.
• The Macintoshes in the library. Not only do they sieze up every time I try to get them to do something, but because of them people assume every Mac does the same thing. So when people find out I have a Mac (or two), they complain what a sucky computer I have… yet they’ve never used it and don’t understand the significant difference between OS 9 (which the library computers run) and OS X (which my computers run, and as a result they run circles around other computers). But fortunately, because they don’t know how good my computers are, they never ask to borrow them. So there’s that.
• Getting my textbooks three days before the test. (I aced it anyway.)
• When Saturday events conflict with my Saturday classes.
• How people take certain professors less seriously because they have foreign accents.
• When the lemon bars in the café begin to slowly peel away from the sides, and little cracks begin to form in the top. Then you know they’ve been sitting there for three days. That’s how long it takes for them to shrivel.
• When Taco Bell is described as Mexican food.

And there will be more. Oh yes, there will be more.

And then some additions to it.

So you wanted more things that annoy me…

• The tremendous amount of spam on First Class. Now that people can send files to everyone, they do it too bloody often—every time they lose a freakin' mitten. Worse yet, some people reply to everyone. Good thing I don't have dial-up, or I'd have to wait 30 seconds per page to find out that the next three messages consist of some yutzes, whose VCRs are still blinking noon, responding to Dr. Rossi's latest with, “Great news!” and “Amen!” and “That blesses me so much.”
• This campus's lack of recycling bins. Every five hundred feet, the city of Scotts Valley has a recycling bin; but on this campus, nobody gives a crap about the planet.
• The paranoia about the mountain lions. They're too busy filling up on house pets and baby deer to attack a cholesterol-filled Bethany student, yet there are too many people afraid to walk to their dorms at night.
• The fact that the lobby couches are getting shinier over time. (Don't analyze this too deeply.)
• People who say “How's it going?” but never stop walking past you for an answer. (I complained about this already, but this morning Bill Kassis did his impression of it and reminded me of it. Bill rocks.)
• Worship Leaders Who Capitalize Every Word In The Songs They Put On The Overhead.
• People who have to interrupt your TV program for sports scores. Do they not understand that this is what the internet is for?
• People who want me to pirate CDs and DVDs for them. Then they stare at me blankly whenever I mention the word “theft.” Are their consciences that seared?
• La gente que habla español siempre que otro que habla español camina en el cuarto. Entiendo que debes practicar o la lengua sale; no es personal. Pero eso recuerdame a mis vecinos que hablan en español siempre que desearon a hablar sobre mí “detrás de mi posterior.” (I know; “behind my back” doesn't really translate.) Ellos no saben que era en una escuela de español. Es más divertido a fingir que no entiendo. Oigo más.
• People who say, “Man, we need to put together a study group!” and then you discover that you're the only one doing any studying; they just want to sponge answers off you.
• People who fart in the lobby whenever everyone else leaves for a commercial break, then pretend they don't smell the foul stench when people return and windows must be opened.
• People who rip on Bill Clinton. When he was president, did you ever pray for him? Aren't we supposed to pray for our leaders, whether we agree with them or not? (And I find if you're praying for someone on a regular basis, you're gonna find that it's a little hard to rip on him.)
• The stench of stale Top Ramen. Yet people still eat the stuff. The stuff costs a dime, people; when it goes bad, you can afford to throw it out. Don't they notice any connection between the stale Ramen and the eventual stomach cramps?
• Burnt popcorn. The microwave has a “popcorn” setting, people. Use it. If it doesn't pop all the kernels, there's a reason; the company is giving you shoddy product. Zapping it another minute will only get you ashes.
• People who use Mike's body wash and piss in Fermin's shampoo bottle. I have instructed Mike to fill his empty bottle with honey and see what kind of results he gets. There's a bunch of savages around here.
• People who throw crumpled-up napkins in the café. Sometimes they hit me. I may have to retaliate… after first filling the napkin with soup or nose blow or something equally foul.
• People who come into the hall during Open Dorms, can't find the person they're looking for, and come back every five minutes to exclaim, loudly, that he's still not here. Of course he's not here. He's avoiding you. I would.
• The preaching contests. Some of the guys in my hall are trying to see who can sound like they’re the most on fire for God. There’s something artificial about the whole thing that I find disturbing. It resembles hypocrisy.
• Puddles in the microwave.
• People who take out your half-done laundry and leave it on the counter. I ranted about this once before. It still bugs me. If I catch anyone doing it, to me or anyone else, I will have to ruin their day.
• People who complain about mandatory chapel. Why, then, did you come to a school that has them? Go to UCSC. It costs less and they have Open Dorms 24 hours a day.
• People who complain about being stuck on campus. Are your legs broken? I get off campus more often than some of the people who have cars. How do you think I get my groceries, videos, and non-biblical books? How do you think Jesus got from Capernaum to Jerusalem and back every year? (Or across the Galilee?)

Again, more when I have them.

More stuff that annoys me about living on campus.

Stuff to add to the list (see the last post—)

• When the café serves the same stuff for lunch and dinner.
• People who leave stuff in the shower.
• People whose closest personal relationship is with an unrelated person of the other gender, yet they’re “not dating.” (One of my previous roommates married one such “friend.”)
• K-group meetings at the same time as Alias.
• Catching other people’s flu. Which I’ve done. But it should be gone by tomorrow morning. I just need a good four hours’ sleep.

Like I said, more when I got ’em.

Okay, time for a big fat rant list.

And now, in no particular order,

THINGS THAT BUG ME
ABOUT LIFE ON CAMPUS.

• Hypocrisy. Actually, make this number 1. Everything else in no particular order. See, in Christian schools, everyone has be be good Christians because it’s expected of them. Not by the faculty or staff, who know better; it’s entirely based on peer pressure. I don’t mind the sinning that goes on a fraction as much as I mind the righteous attitudes artificially taken against it outside the dorms.
• The thumping upstairs. I don’t know what they’re doing—aerobics, moving furniture, pillow fights, drunkenly falling out of bed, whatever. I only hope it’s not crippling. They need to pick better hours to do it.
• The singing. It’s like living in a frickin’ musical around here sometimes. While there are many talented people on this campus, their song selection sucks. Stevie Wonder did it right the first time; nobody will outdo him; don’t try. And what’s with all the Johnny Mathis stuff?
• At 3 a.m. And they have to sing it at 3 a.m. The only person who should be awake around here at 3 a.m. is me. Go to bed!
• People who stay awake till 3, then complain the next day of being tired. Don’t stay up all hours if you aren’t willing to suffer the consequences. And don’t go blaming it on age. I’ve heard too often, “Man, I can’t pull all-nighters like I used to when I was 18. I’m getting old.” I pull all-nighters for fun and I’m 10 years older than most of them. Sleep is for the weak.
• Guys who wrestle. Basically they’re repressed and looking for an excuse to hug one another. But it shouldn’t make so much bloody noise, nor should it block the hallway.
• Speakers louder than mine. But fortunately, there aren’t any in my hall.
• Those who abuse the bathroom. These include people who don’t flush, people who leave toilet paper all over the floor, people who miss the trash, people who hit the seat, people who leave puddles of soap or gel or cream on the sink, people who leave little hairs all over the sink or shower, and of course showerbators.
• Burnett guys in Burnett South’s lobby. They come here to use our TV for their video games. Use your own bloody TV.
• Burnett guys in Swanson Hall’s lobby. Then there are the guys who are always hanging out in Swanson’s lobby, regardless of whether they’re with a girlfriend or not, or if they even have one. That’s just sad. “Lounge lizards,” I call them.
• People who flirt by insulting, hitting, or other juvenile behavior. Sadder than the lounge lizards.
• Those who assume because I’m not in their bible or Greek classes, they know more than me. Actually, though, they’re kind of fun because I can mess with their heads a lot. Scratch that.
• People who get out of their seat and run around shouting when their team makes a touchdown. Or makes a basket, hits a home run, scores a goal, outscores the other figure skaters… As if they did it.
• Women who complain they’re not dating, yet don’t ask anyone out. It seems many women have never read the book of Ruth, so they don’t believe they can. Instead, they assume that since men are supposed to be spiritual leaders in the home, we’re to take the initiative in dating. Since when is asking someone out a sign of spiritual leadership? Is this a characteristic we’re to look for in a pastor—great with pickup lines? For crying out loud, it’s not leading a prayer group; it’s saying, “Hello. I’d like to get to know you better. Would you have coffee with me?”
• The café doesn’t serve yogurt for breakfast. Actually, they don’t serve most of my favorite breakfast foods. No lox, no grits, no Wheaties, no Grape Nuts, no onion bagels, no poached eggs on toast, no lemon scones. And lately they’ve been scrimping on the Starbucks.
• No air conditioning. Which isn’t an issue in February, but wait until May.
• The tap water. Which I now believe is contaminated with mold. The smell is the same as some mold which once contaminated my water cooler.
• People who complain that they’ve got a paper due tomorrow and it’s 11 p.m. It’s their own bloody fault they put it off till now. They get no sympathy from me.

More as they come up. These only came up within the past week.

Bad, 𝘣𝘢𝘥 worship leaders!

Leaders are supposed to lead. Even if they’re busy singing and playing the piano.

Another pet peeve: Worship leaders who worship more than they lead.

Trouble is, whenever I bring this up, people think I’m talking about the people who just recently led worship. Admittedly, they brought this up; but not everything I’m about to rant on was practiced by them. They just happened to have sparked me. And I know the job isn’t easy; but there are some things that every worship leader ought to remember to do.

You don’t 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 care how it’s going.

We’ll call this Annoyance #55.

It’s not really a pet peeve, but it’s slightly irritating: People who, in passing, ask, “What’s up?” or “How’s it going?”

Don’t ask such a question unless you want an answer!

In order to point this out, I began to respond with, “You don’t care.” But that usually resulted in guilt-ridden people stopping in their tracks to find out what actually was up with me—see, such an answer implies that there’s something seriously wrong and that I’m feeling alone and unloved. I don’t feel that way at all; I was only trying to make a point, and I wind up accused of being in denial.

Okay, so now I’m back to the semi-automatic responses “Not a lot” and “Better than average.” Smart-ass remarks don’t get the response I want; and I can’t fix ’em.

Tell you a funny story about fixing people, though. Dad has a bad habit of trying to fix people. For the longest time he was trying to get Burger King employees to stop asking him if he wanted cheese on that or fries with that.

“You want cheese on that?” they’d ask him when he ordered a Whopper.

“You mean a cheese-Whopper?” he’d say.

“Yes.”

“Did I ask if I wanted cheese on that?” he’d say.

This would make them hesitant to ask him if he wanted fries with that, but they’d ask it anyway because they have to. I worked for Burger King once, and the managers would tear you a new one if you don’t.

“Did I ask for fries?” he’d say.

“I can’t go to fast food restaurants with you anymore,” I told him. “God forbid I order the same thing as you and I wind up with the huge glob of spit in my food.”

Eventually Dad realized he was just frustrating the employees unnecessarily and stopped doing it. This happened regardless of my comments about hock-laced Whoppers. He just had to come to this conclusion on his own.

And yet we still have Christians that are convinced that nagging apologetics converts people…

Less amusing behaviors.

Don’t overdecorate to the point that people can’t read your bloody web page.

Another pet peeve to add to the list:

Websites whose background image make it impossible to read the text.

Were you wondering what the others were? I don’t make an official list. I simply let God deal with them until they’re no longer on the list.

Non-loving "Christians" have always been on that list, though. That’s why I included the cartoon. I suspect they’re one of Jesus’s pet peeves too; He used to gripe about people that call him “Lord” yet never did what he told them; and he ordered them to love one another, their neighbors, and their enemies. In other words, everyone. They don’t do that, yet they still call themselves Christian. I blame them every time a non-Christian calls us a bunch of hypocrites.

Again, it’s a pet peeve that God has to deal with. He manages to love them anyway; I still have to work at it.