God created men differently from women, true. But he didn’t create all men exactly the same as one another.
Every once in a while I come across a book so annoying I just have throw it across the room. But I can’t do that with library books… nor books that belong to other people. Actually, I think the last book of mine that I pitched in this way was Left Behind—yes, I do actually own the bloody thing; it was on sale, okay?
I couldn’t pitch Wild at Heart because it belonged to my brother. (That, or he was borrowing it.) We were vacationing in Lake Tahoe at the time, and I had an hour to kill, so I picked up his copy and started reading.
John Eldredge, the writer, has the premise that God created men differently than he created women. (Duh.) The main difference, Eldredge believes, is that men are meant to be wild, free, and adventurous. He didn’t necessarily put it this way, but we men are to be hunter-gatherer camping and hiking types, and occasionally Mel Gibson-like warriors from Braveheart. The reason we aren’t is because… well, it’s not because of the women (because Eldredge doesn’t want to alienate women; they might buy his book for the men in their lives). Not because of the conservative women, anyway. Liberal women, maybe.
What makes a person become a man? On the most basic level, it’s a Y chromosome instead of an X chromosome. That’s all. This garbage about what makes a “real” man is subtle toxic masculinity as a marketing ploy; it gets guys who imagine themselves macho to buy more books, and maybe more camping gear.
- “Real” men are supposed to be adventurous? Buddy, everyone is supposed to be adventurous.
- “Real” men are supposed to pursue the desires of their heart? Depends on the desires—if they’re good, yeah; if they’re sick, no.
- “Real” men are supposed to camp and hike and eat meat? Only if they enjoy it. Otherwise there’s something to be said for electricity, indoor plumbing, comfortable mattresses, and unclogged arteries.
Anyway, it was so much ridiculousness that I had to at least put the book down and announce loudly that it was crap.
My brother-in-law didn’t agree. He likes the book, actually; something about it resonates with him. Okay, I can see how it would resonate with lots of people. But it certainly didn’t resonate with me. I am not a nature freak. I like to look at nature—from the comfort of my tent. I’m not fond of hiking around in it and shooting at things in it. I like civilization. Men built civilization, you know.
As to the desires of my heart… well, that’s why I’m back in school.
By and large, men who feel like they’ve been too domesticated really like reading books about how they should throw off said domestication and become the “real” men they were meant to be. There was that men’s movement thing in the early ’90s; there was the Promise Keepers movement in the mid ’90s (and it’s trying to come back, it seems), and now there’s Eldredge’s book.
Look, if a man feels like there’s something amiss in his life, he should stop blaming other people and look at what he’s doing. Is he not being true to himself? Well, he should first figure out whether that’s a good thing—secretly wanting to be a pop star is one thing; secretly wanting to be a porn star is another—then do something about it. Forget blaming women, or society, or bad parenting, or illegal immigrants—if you’ve created a less than satisfactory life for yourself, you have no one but yourself to blame. If you’re not living up to your potential, it’s your own bloody fault. Do something about it. If it takes Eldredge’s book to spur you on, fine. But I can’t recommend it.