There’s a fun little game I like to play every once in a while when watching local TV news, called “Drunk/Not drunk.” Basically, I guess whether the newsreaders are drunk based on speech inflections, dilated pupils, how hysterical their laughter gets at the “amusing” news segments, and gestures. It’s easier to play when you’re watching Monterey stations because the Sacramento and San Francisco newsreaders appear fairly sober.
I started it back in the early ’90s when Lloyd Lindsey Young was the weather guy on Sacramento’s channel 31. The man looked and sounded as if he had 10 shots in him. I don’t know if he ever did; maybe I’m inadvertently making fun of a stroke victim. But at the time many of the other people on the show appeared drunk, and from the rumors I heard from the station’s interns (who went to
It’s easy to play the “Drunk/not drunk” game with reporters because I was one for more than a decade. Drinking is very popular with reporters, especially when they cover events with an open bar. (You want to guarantee your event is covered? Tell the newspaper that there’s an open bar. That’s often how I got reporters to cover society functions.) In college there were also a lot of stoners; but nowadays newspapers and TV stations make their staff take urine tests. And nobody tests urine for alcohol.
The newest way for reporters to cover their rampant alcoholism nowadays is to be a “wine connoisseur.” If you have a huge stash of wine you’re a “collector,” it’s cheaper than tequila, and Daddy doesn’t have to hide his drinking from the children anymore.
But most people who catch me playing “Drunk/Not drunk” assume I’m only kidding.
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