When God takes someone, it sucks. But life sucks.
God killed my roommate’s pastor this week.
If that statement shocked you, it shouldn’t. I believe in free will, but I also believe that no one dies without God’s permission. God may not like the way we die—I’m sure he didn’t enjoy the death of Jesus at all—but if it serves his purposes he will allow it and even approve of it. This is not because he is heartless or callous; this is because he knows that death isn’t permanent. Life is.
From our perspective, it feels permanent, and it sucks. The guy was only three years older than me, and his death—from pneumonia—was completely unexpected. His church and family are in mourning. They don’t yet know why he had to die; and grief tends to make any reason appear petty and superficial. (For that matter, most of the reasons they’ll hear over the next year will be petty and superficial.)
What can we do? Wait for the grieving to accept the circumstances. Be available; let ’em talk it through. Be realistic—none of this “it’ll get better with time” crap which isn’t true. Be sympathetic. Give space when it’s needed. Hide the liquor. And pray.
Comments…
Death tends to get a reaction, particularly when you say “God killed them.” Everyone wants to defend God’s honor… as if it’s dishonorable for God to kill people. Eener commented,
I dunno about the wording of your God-killing statement. If I followed that, then God killed my niece when she was three months old, while in her sleep, while I was baby-sitting her. Ooh.
This would be the point where someone else would back off their original, harsher statement and say, “Well—you poor person—I didn’t mean you…” Except that I mean everyone. Anyway, back to the statement:
I do think that’s what my atheist sister thinks. Her husband still holds it against me and God. And it’s been five years.
Through all of that, I was fortunate to have a couple of friends who were just there. They didn’t have to try to cheer me up, or even say anything. and my faith in God was unshaken. God was SO there, carrying me through it. But yeah, knowing that death and tragedy are common to us all, I wonder why many Christians are at a loss as to the right things to do and say when faced with friends or relatives who suffer a loss. A well-meaning woman from my church said some things to my sister the day my niece died and my sister got SO upset. Nice list.
We spend so much time trying to say the “right” things that we never say the right things. We come off insincere and fake—we don’t mean to, but that’s just what happens. When my nephew died, lots of people at my sister’s church chose to blame demons (a “spiritual attack,” you see, that happened to take a life) and that’s such a cop-out. It’s like blaming Satan for everything in the book of Job. Job knew better. Let’s call it what it is: God wanted him. God got him. He’s with God. Who better would you want him to be with? Sure, we’ll miss him; but we’ll see him again. Plus he gets to avoid all the crap we have to put up with.
If it sounds harsh, it’s because reality is harsh. But God is good.
My atheist dad was freaked out by the whole experience. He still doesn’t know what to make of it. He’s glad we’re all comforted, even though he thinks we’re full of crap. For him, death is unexistence. At least he’s not one of those hypocritical atheists who don’t believe in God because they’re pissed at him; that’s so childish. But he has nothing to contribute to the grieving process except his digital photos.
Mori gets the last word:
I personally think of allowing someone to die as not being exactly equivalent to killing them, but perhaps, from a certain objective point of view, the result is the same.
Hide the liquor. Indeed.