Some folks like developing a reputation as a difficult person.
There’s a person I met on this campus who insists that they’s not all together there. They insist that there’s something wrong with them; that they could just snap at any time. Yet I’ve seen nothing in their behavior which indicates this is true. In fact, I’m largely wondering if any of it is true.
See, I’ve met people with tempers. They come in two common varieties. The first group consists of well-bottled individuals who are usually in denial—not with themselves, but with everyone else. They never brag about their tempers, and never discuss the extremes that it goes to, because they recognize there’s something wrong with that. One of my relatives never mentions the time he punched a hole through a door because people invariably are startled by that admission—as if he might go off on them if they say the wrong thing. The second group consists of people who rage at the first sign something goes wrong, and then the temper quickly subsides. Another of my relatives will get angry, swear a blue streak, and it’ll be gone. He doesn’t discuss this, but he doesn’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with it either—because at least he doesn’t punch holes in doors.
Is there a third type who’s willing to admit to everyone they come across that they have a scary temper? Not in my experience. I suspect it’s more likely that I’m dealing with a person who’s as messed-up as I used to be.
What sort of self-esteem must a person have to introduce themself as psychologically flawed, and glory in it? Very little. I know; I was there once. I was a shy, mentally-abused teenager once; I found it easy to take some comfort in the fact that there was something wrong with me—even though, in this case, it wasn’t anything wrong with me; it was that Dad liked to micromanage my life and occasionally wake me up at 2 a.m. to wash dishes. When your life is out of control like that, you revel in whatever you can call your own… even if it’s to call yourself nuts and get others to fear you like you fear the people who are messing with your life.
It’s much easier to share that you are nuts than to share that your life is nuts and you can’t do anything about it. I suspect that’s really what’s going on. Growing up around abnormal behavior makes me quick to recognize it. But in the meanwhile, we’ll just have to watch as this person goes from individual to individual, trying to convince them of their “insanity,” and praying that Jesus straighten them out.