14 July 2013

Fruit-free water, please.

I’m gradually developing a new peeve: Fruit-infused water.

Somehow or other, it’s become popular to chop up bits of fruit, put it in ice water, let the fruit decompose just a bit into the water, and serve it to people as if they want their water flavored that way.

As I understand it, the point is that the water have a subtle taste of strawberry, melon, cucumber, or whatever it is you’ve thrown into the water. But people don’t know how to do subtle. So they throw half a pound of fruit into the water—sometimes jumbled up, as if that makes it any better—and add a little sugar. This makes it taste like a really weak ade, like limeade with way too much water in it, or cherryade where the kids only had five cherries and figured they’d stretch the fruit as far as it could go. But it’s neither ade nor water. It’s some sad hybrid, and I don’t want it.

Ah, but if someone’s made it, they didn’t have a pitcher of water on the side. Their tainted water is the water. And they’re a little put out that you don’t want their fruity water. After all, it’s only just a little mango, or kiwi, or watermelon they’re floating in it. Why, you can hardly taste it. (Which begs the question, “So what was the point in adding it?”) But of course I can taste it, which is why I want water.

It never used to be any trouble to ask for only water.

Anywho. You wanna make fruit-infused water, go for it. Have fun. Get creative: Throw a chopped tomato and a sprig of basil in a pitcher of water. Somebody oughta like it. Not me, but somebody. But don’t forget to provide actual water on the side, for those of us who like our water without pulp.